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Dec 20, 2007

Christmas Grief

While Christmas is such a joyous and exciting time for most people, it can also be a time of intense grief and sorrow. This is a subject that has been weighing on my mind the past few days because I've been dreaming about my grandfather. My mother's father. He died six years ago and, while I miss him and am sorry for my Grandmother, he suffered at the end of his life and I'm glad that he's resting now. However, around Christmas every year, I start to dream about him.

It's an odd thing, as he is not usually a part of my present thoughts. But I dream that he is alive and is planning a big Christmas event for our family. It is always the same dream. I am much younger, before Patrick was in my life. All of my sisters are there, as are my parents. My Grandmother is also there, and is so, so happy. Everyone is happy and warm, exuding a kind of glow that is unique to dreams. It is not an actual event that I am reliving, but, instead, it reflects the influence he had on everyone around him. He induced smiling and laughter and, while he was not a dominant personality and my Grandmother has always been the matriarch, he had a quiet honor about him that commanded respect and never failed to subdue the chaos.

I was in line behind a pair of women tonight and I listened to their conversation. One was telling the other how she had been dreaming of a loved one who'd died. This was apparently a recent loss, as she was still tempted to buy this person Christmas gifts and would then remember the situation. She told her friend how much harder it was now, at Christmas, than it was when the person had actually died. Her words were, "I guess in remembering to be thankful for what we've got, we also have to face what we're sad that we've lost." Who knew that such words could be spoken so freely in the line at Hobby Lobby?

Be thankful, friends. I am thankful for you.

3 Readers rock!:

dahmane said...

i am thankful for you, Katie and your wonderful blog. Merry Christmas!
best always, tracy

Alex said...

Aww, he's giving you the full family Christmas you crave. How wonderful, even if it is just a dream!

Anonymous said...

there is such a thin veil at times between our dreams and our days...
reality is what we want it to be.
savor the moments your grandfather visits you.