Ant Katie

In what will come as a surprise to exactly no one, I am an animal person. I love them, all of them, every last one. It is not at all out of the ordinary for me to take twenty minutes to usher a lost housefly back outside or to go to great lengths to rescue a spider from the bathtub. Just this morning I made Patrick late to work because I was busy saving a centipede from the tragic fate of being eaten by a cat in the stairwell. Patrick says that someday my time will be more valuable than for use saving a centipede, but I think that the centipede would agree that there is always time to save a life.

All that said, I present to you a conundrum. In recent weeks, ants have invaded our kitchen. Luckily for us, they are of the tiny variety, but there are ZILLIONS of them. We have cleaned every nook and cranny in the kitchen and still they come. I have given up trying to save them, there are simply too many, but I made Patrick be the grown up in the house and he has been on Ant Genocide duty. I go in the other room and feel so awful for the poor little ants that are just trying to grab a snack to take to their little ants back home.

HOWEVER. I have been having nightmares about ants crawling all over me. I woke up this morning to find a cat tail brushing my shoulder where I had just been dreaming that I was being eaten by zillions of ants. Just now, Myra came up to me for some smooches and she had three ants on her, one crawling down her nose (which she promptly ate once she spotted it. Ick. Dogs.) and I think that my days of peaceful resistance are over. They are everywhere. They are taking over. And I will NOT HAVE THIS just before my boards. I may not know how a Starling curve works or be able to diagnose a parasite infection from a badly lit photograph, but BY GOD my house will be ant-free.

May God have mercy on my soul.