Glucola Hell

I had a monthly OB check up yesterday afternoon. The actual appointment was fine, and the Turnip is fine, etc., but I was not fine! I had to do the Glucose Tolerance Test to check for Gestational Diabetes. This test means drinking a bottle of Orange Goo and having my blood drawn exactly an hour later. Then I'd go for my check up appointment.

Unbeknownst to me, it also meant the absolute most miserable afternoon of my entire life.

I took my doctor's advice and put the bottle of Orange Goo in the freezer so as to numb the pain and mask the taste. Unfortunately (and obviously, really) the orange goo froze. Solid. I didn't realize this little glitch until I had to drink it RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT and within FIVE MINUTES. Thus, I spent the next five minutes in a panic alternating microwaving the bottle of Goo to melt it and sucking the Goo out of the bottle. The last bit of Goo was actually hot, as there was no iced Goo left to cool it.

I've been having trouble lately keeping food moving in the direction that God intended, and this bottle of Orange Goo did not do me any favors. Immediately I was trying to get rid of it. But, in a shining display of useless but formidable willpower, I kept the goo down. I drove to the doctor, retching the entire way. I checked in, picked up my lab sheet, and made my way to the lab. I waited the extra four minutes until it had been EXACTLY an hour. I sat there quietly as the nice lady drew my blood. Then I turned my head and threw up all the Orange Goo I could find into her trash can.

Following my appointment, I had to have a prescription filled. I thought they'd overcharged me, but I couldn't find the energy to argue, since I had found more Orange Goo in my stomach to get rid of in the pharmacy trash can. Upon coming home, I found cause for five more episodes of this, until my good friend (who's a doctor, bless her) called and reminded me that I had some Zofran pills left over from my first trimester. The rest of the evening passed without incident and today I've been fine.

Warning to all women who may, in the future, become pregnant: Clear your schedule for the afternoon when you go for the Goo Test. It could be bad.

(photo credit)