Insight

Things have been rough around here lately. The sheets haven’t been changed in weeks. There is a solid inch of dog hair in the carpet. Colin is growing something of a mullet, which is a little bit endearing, I’ll just tell you, simply because we can’t seem to find time to get him to a haircut. As for myself, well, I’ve given up trying to run a comb through my hair, yesterday’s makeup seems to work just fine (or was it the day before’s?) and showering once a week seems luxurious. What I’m saying, in clearer and less “TMI” terms, is that we’re incredibly busy and I feel like our lives are falling apart.

We keep losing bills and are confused by the reminder letters. Sometimes Colin sleeps in his clothes. Once, I went to bed in the scrubs I’d worn to work that day, and then wore them to work the next day too simply so I could sleep an extra three minutes in the morning. This is the kind of busy that we are currently experiencing. The level of exhaustion is beyond explanation. It is physically painful to see sunlight, as it has been so long that I’ve lost my tolerance for it. I constantly have the restless, ramped up feeling of too little sleep combined with too much coffee. I recently started taking vitamins again because I eat such crap at the hospital cafeteria (not used to vegetarians, eh?) that my body has started screaming at me to supplement.

How do people do this? Keep up with their lives, make sure the house doesn’t fall down, bond with their children, succeed in their fields, without totally losing themselves in the passage of time? When is there time to write about your son or read a book your sister gave you for your birthday or walk with your devoted-to-the-end dogs? How do you maintain a marriage, or a credit record?

Because of all of these questions, as well as the ones I didn’t list, Patrick and I have, over the past few weeks, strongly considered hiring a nanny for Colin. An incredibly opportunity presented itself and, combined with our current life chaos as well as our crumbling relationship with Cheap and Close, it seemed ideal. IDEAL. I mean it, that word, I mean that the situation seemed like the best thing we could think of. And we were prepared to pay anything to have it.

Except that it is not quite ideal, though it is still close. It is very expensive, as nannies tend to be. Also, the nanny is not very flexible on the hours, which is a main concern of ours. I cannot blame someone for not wanting to work more than 45 hours a week, instead of the 60 or more a week that we do, but that doesn’t leave us with an easy choice. Do we fork over the money, money we don’t have, money that will only cost us more later, for better quality care, more attention, better food and eating habits, and more fun, but still have to find even more care to make up the hours difference? Or do we find some replacement, some alternative that is not ideal, not even close, but that we can pay for and still sleep at night?

So many questions, so few answers, so little sleep.

Help me, internet. Do you have experience in this matter? Were you raised by a nanny or a slumlord and how did it shape you as a person? You could change the arc of Colin’s future by your response – hopefully he will thank you.