Postpone

I’ve been on vacation this month, this hot, humid, terrible month of August. The vacation was supposed to give me plenty of uninterrupted time to study and do really well on my Step 2 exam (otherwise known as THE BOARDS: REVISITED). As does usually happen when I have a single task to accomplish, other stuff comes up.

It’s not that I didn’t study, believe me I have studied, it’s that Colin kept getting sick and I was already home, so of course he stayed with me. And that Patrick was super-duper busy last month and was gone for 12 or 14 hours a day on the days that he even came home, meaning I had sole house/bills/food/pets/kid responsibility. Even though I made myself a schedule and tried to accomplish everything else while sticking to that damn schedule, I kept falling off track.

And OBVIOUSLY it isn't Patrick or Colin or anyone else's fault that I feel so under-prepared. Life happens (though I feel like it happens kind of a lot, you know?) and you just have to do what you can to get by. Am I right? Am I?

I don’t know why I feel so defensive about this. It’s a little weird, actually.

All this is to say that I postponed my exam. I moved it back a few weeks so I feel better prepared when I take it. I was supposed to sit for the exam on Thursday, but over the weekend and especially this morning it became abundantly clear that doing so would be a horrible idea. I’m on Radiology next month and it’s notoriously light and laid back. And so, since my date was so close, I shelled out the cash and moved the date.

I feel a little better now that that’s done. I had a minute to sit and tell this to you. I still have a clanging headache and my hate for all things Law School Library (where I’ve been studying) rages on, but that tightness in my chest eased up a little. I wrote my family to tell them that I would been AWOL for a few more weeks, but hopefully be slightly less insane and said that though I felt like a spineless coward by delaying the inevitable, hopefully they could address me as Dr. Coward in a few months. (Not that I'll make them call me by that, of course.)

On my newly revised to-do list includes finishing (erm, starting and finishing) my personal statement, sleeping for more than 5 hours at night, eating more than granola bars and coffee, and going outside. Also, study my ears off and rock that exam.

I have high hopes for September.