A Lovely Drink

In trying to do what I thought best for her, I may have done Caroline a disservice.

Colin had a bottle of formula very early in his life, in the hospital on his second night of life, in fact. I don't remember the details - probably better that way - but it was something about him not having made enough urine and needing supplementation or something. After that, I didn't supplement much again until I lost my sanity and milk supply when he was three months old. He never had a bit of problem with the bottles, and, in retrospect, only found digesting formula slightly and predictably challenging.

Caroline never needed that bottle in the hospital and I, in my zeal to savor her every moment, never pumped any milk for her to drink from a bottle, never had anyone else feed her formula, hasn't even figured out a pacifier. Until this week, Wednesday, when she got a bit of formula. And it really didn't go well. She didn't have any idea what to do with the bottle, eventually deciding to chew on it, but only on the right side. She choked on the formula, and, what she did manage to drink, later vomited up violently into my freshly washed hair. I was astounded and suddenly dreading next week when Caroline will be summarily dropped off at day care with a few bottles and a blanket, without a boob in sight (so to speak).

So I've spent the last few days trying to stock up a supply for her at school, while teaching her to drink from a bottle. Tonight, Colin and I snuggled up together over Caroline and quietly cheered her on. Colin saying, "You got it, Baby Caroline! You're doing it!" We sang to her and stroked her cheek to encourage her to drink. Finally, finally, she arched an eyebrow and latched on, drawing deep drinks. Her lids became heavy and she fell into herself, as babies do when they are cared for and content. Colin kissed her on the cheek. "Good job, Baby Caroline!"

These two little people fill my life with such incredible love and joy, which at that moment grew beyond my body and spilled out from my eyes. Colin looked at me with concern. "You crying Mommy? You okay?"









Yes, baby. I am great.