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Aug 8, 2011

Trainable Idiot

Today, I started residency. I put on my long white coat, walked into several patients' rooms, and said, "Hi, there! I'm a doctor, as you can see by the length of my coat. You can tell I'm an intern by the way my hands tremble and by the sweat stains on my shirt. My goodness, is it hot in here?"

That's not entirely true. Actually, I mostly stuttered today. I tripped all over my words when I talked to patients. I clammed up when asked by an attending about anatomy. I mentally stumbled in my to-do list, resulting in several minor but annoying mistakes. And let's not even talk about the dictation that I had to do today, instead saying a prayer for the poor, poor transcriptionist.

I think that the day was largely successful and that I should go back again tomorrow. The morning rounds were the worst, either because of the early, early, OMG early hour or because I am so rusty. Regardless, it can only get better tomorrow, now that I know where the computers are and how to log into them. I am fortunate to be on an intense but incredibly supportive team, which will mean that I will learn a ton and have fun doing it. Things look good.

Today was also Caroline's first day at "school". In the future, I think, I will probably count it as a success that I only broke down into tears four times throughout the day, and then only when people directly asked how I was doing being away from her. I kept it together the rest of the time, which is something I think should be applauded. Maybe. I don't know, maybe not. I can't decide if I'm a complete puddle of mess because I weep at the mention of our separation or if I'm a callous jerk of a mother because at all other times I am happy to be at work and feel that she is well cared for. Probably, this means that I am normal, but this is not a conclusion that I can reach on my own just yet.

Colin apparently refused to leave his sister's side this morning until he had been repeatedly assured that she would be fine and loved in her new room. That kid warms my heart, y'all.

Tomorrow, I get to go to the OR! Scrub-a-dub-dub!

6 Readers rock!:

Go Long! Go Green! said...

where are you on this month? methodist OB??? next month? i will be delivering at methodist ... due date 9/4! :) arrival date: unknown?

Brian Fishman said...

Big days all around today! I took Step 2 and my brain is pretty much gone. Congrats on starting :)

Nurse and Hospital Stories said...

Hope that you'll be used to your new job and as well as letting your daughter explore into a new world.

Peny@Baby phat scrubs

JessK said...

I still break down every now and again, especially when I have to miss something fun like a soccer game or a play. If you're OK with it, I think that's a bad sign. The constant turmoil is part and parcel of the Dr. Mommy thing. It took me nearly 2 weeks to stop grinning like an idiot when I introduced myself as doctor without the painful modifier "student". However, the constant needing to ask how to order stuff, where to get supplies and so forth does a great job of humbling me daily. You'll do great! Hope to see you around. I get to have a couple weeks of nights at Wishard OB soon...maybe then?

Dr Mama said...

OK... just checking back in to see how that first month went! Can't wait to hear!!

Baby Sling said...

I only have one and though I liked it from the start, it took a while to really grow on me. The thing that made me love it was when I decided to switch out the microfiber insert for a hemp insert.